Sinful Romances
by Moomoogirl1
Summary: Envy's trying to find a girlfriend, Gluttony loves Lust, Sloth has a crush on a certian 2nd Lieutenant and...Greed and Hawkeye? Not really...
1. Get a Girlfriend!

Welcome to this little stupid and humorous fic I wrote about the sin's love lives. This is going to be anime based but there might be a few manga themes here and there. This is just a short story I wanted to put up. It was originally part of My FMA humor shots but I decided to put them up separately and add some things along the way. Anyways I hope you Enjoy!

I do not own Full Metal Alchemist.

0o0o0

"You need a girlfriend."

Envy looked up at Greed, making a face, "What was that?" Greed did a cocky grin.

"You heard me. Get a girlfriend, get laid, do something that will at _least_ make you seem like a man. For pete's sake you look like a freakin' homo palm tree!"

Envy got up from his seat and growled. "You bastard! Why I oughta…!" Just than Dante came into the room.

"Will you please stop your bickering? That's enough out of you!" She then looked at Greed. "Care to join us again Greed?" "Hell no you old bag!" Greed spat out. Dante deeply frowned and walked out of the room. "Suit yourself. You'll soon regret it."

"Stupid lady." Greed mumbled. "Listen Envy. If you get yourself a girlfriend I promise I'll stop calling you an ugly fag. Honestly. If you don't I'll make fun of your ass for the rest of our damned lives."

"Who am I suppose to ask?" cried Envy. Greed shrugged. "Ask Lust, Sloth…hell you can even ask Gluttony if that's what floats your boat."

Before Envy could murder Greed, Greed had already run out of the room. He growled and crossed his arms.

He didn't need a girlfriend but he'd rather have a girlfriend than let Greed have another reason to laugh in his face…forever.

Envy was going to find himself a girlfriend!!

That's the first chapter. Hope you enjoyed. Please tell me what you think. Thanks.

Moomoogirl1 out(just for a while:)


	2. Lust: The Beautiful Liar

Hey there. Thanks to all of you who reviewed. Well here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy!

I do not own Full Metal Alchemist. I wouldn't be here if I did.

"Full Metal Shorty!" -talking

'_Full Metal Shorty!'_ -thinking

0o0o0

Okay, okay. Maybe she was _way_ out of his league but he had to admit she was one of the smartest and defiantly finest out of all of them. They didn't call her Lust for nothing. Envy nervously walked up to her and she looked his way.

"What is it? Anymore information about the Full Metal Alchemist? Or Scar perhaps?" she asked expecting nothing more from him. Gluttony sat dumbly next to her, looking out in space. Envy was going to let out a groan but then thought better of it. Gluttony was stupid and he doubted he cared whether he completely embarrassed himself or not.

"Uh Lust…Can I ask you a question?" "Sure. Go ahead." Lust replied coolly. Envy let out a frustrated sigh. He felt so stupid doing this.

"Greed says I need to get a girlfriend or else he'll tease me even more than he usually does."

"And?"

"Well ya see…I was wondering if…"

'_Might as well spit it out now…'_

"Will you be my girlfriend!!?"

The room was quiet for a while as Lust and Gluttony stared at him. Lust's eyes were wide with surprise and Gluttony gave Envy a questioning look.

"What is a girlfriend?" Gluttony finally asked. Envy then let out his groan. He knew this was stupid! Damn Greed! Lust simply composed herself and sighed.

"Gluttony you don't need to know. Go play with Wrath…and don't eat him." Gluttony smiled and ran out the room. Lust than turned to Envy.

"Envy look. You're a nice guy and everything but…I'm already in love with someone else." "Who?" Envy asked hoping it wasn't Greed. He had enough girls.

"I'm in love with…Pride!!" Lust yelled out. Envy's jaw practically fell out of his mouth.

"You're in love with that old fart?" he screamed. "My god!! It would make more sense if you were in love with Gluttony!"

"I don't care! I love him!" yelled Lust. "And don't you dare tell anyone we had this conversation! OR ELSE!!" Off walked Lust as Envy grumbled.

"She picked that bastard over me…

0o0o0

Lust hastily looked back and gave a sigh of relief when she saw Envy stalk off. She didn't hate Envy but go out with him? She actually would rather date Gluttony. Still that lie about Pride should keep him away for awhile. It was for his…_her_ own good.

0o0o0

Of course Lust doesn't love the Fuhrer/Pride! That's crazy!!

Please Review.

Moomoogirl1 out (just for a while:)


	3. Sloth and Her Secret Crush

Hey there everyone. Sorry for the late update but I will try to update sooner now that summer is here. Thanks to all who reviewed and find this silly story amusing! Let's move on….

I do not own Full Metal Alchemist. If I did I'd be the happiest gal on earth.

0o0o0

While Envy was thinking of a way to get out of Greed's sneers and teases, Wrath, being the annoying little brat that he was, ran up to him and yelled, "Envy! Come and play with me!" Envy frowned. Not the person he needed to see right now. "Why should I?"

"Please?" whined Wrath. Envy rolled his eyes. He had to shut the kid up. He could beat him up but that would only make Sloth mad….wait a minute! He needed a girlfriend and maybe…

"Fine. What do you want to play?" "Dress up!" smiled Wrath. Envy made a face. Dress up? "What kind of boy plays dress up?" That's when Wrath grinned mischievously.

"I'm not dressing up. You are!"

"What!" Envy yelled and before he could protest any further, Wrath tackled him.

0o0o0

"Look everybody!" smiled Wrath in the grand dining room. Greed, Lust, Gluttony, Sloth and Dante looked from their activities.

"I present…Envious!" shouted Wrath as "Envious" came out in a pink dress with bows on each strand of his green hair.

Everyone burst out laughing. "Envy's true colors show!" snickered Greed as Dante cracked a rare smile. Envy had never felt so humiliated, so furious…forget a girlfriend! He was going to kill this little punk and then tear off his head and then mutilate his body and then…

"Um Envy?"

Envy turned to see Sloth standing next to him, gently smiling. Envy took a good look at her. She was actually pretty up close. He never noticed.

"Okay everyone! Back to work!" shouted Dante. "Get some information. Envy get out of that dress and Greed…get your ass out of here!"

"Fine you old hag!" screamed Greed. "Later Envious!" he smirked as he walked out of the room. "I'm coming Dante but before I do, Envy can I speak with you alone?" Envy felt his heart scream for joy. Yes! Maybe she was interested!

"Sure…" he answered trying to keep his cool. He followed Sloth to the library and Sloth turned to him.

"Envy thank you for playing with Wrath." she smiled again. "I appreciate it." Envy was really paying attention. Now was his chance. "Sure but I have a question for you…will…will you go out with me?" Sloth's eyes widened and Envy suddenly felt frustrated. "I mean I'm not _that_ bad looking am I?"

"Of course not Envy." Sloth said "It's just that…" she looked around to make sure they were the only ones in the room. "You're a nice, extremely violent and sadistic guy but…I already like someone else and…"

"Ugh! Great! Don't tell me it's Pride!" Sloth wrinkled her nose. "Of course not!" "Then who is it?" Envy demanded. Sloth slightly blushed, slowly took out a picture (it would be very inappropriate to tell you where she took it from) and held out a picture. "It's this guy…"

The picture was a blonde with a cigarette in his mouth. "Who the hell's that?" asked Envy. Sloth smiled.

"His name is Havoc. He's very sweet unlike Greed who keeps hitting on me. But he doesn't know I even exist. What should I do Envy? Uh…Envy?"

Envy had already left, grumbling that he was much better than a man who was prone to die anytime soon from cancer.

0o0o0

Who knew Havoc had an admirer? Please review!

Moomoogirl1 out (Just for a while:)


	4. The Babe Riza Hawkeye

Hello there Well I don't think this is my latest update

Hello there. Well I don't think this is my latest update. However I did promise to update every two days, a promise I can't seem to keep. Even my summer seems busy so far! But here it is. Thanks to all of those who reviewed this silly story of mine. Much appreciated!

Of course I don't own Full Metal Alchemist! If I did half of the cast would be married off by now!

0o0o0

"Yo Greed! Wake up smartass!"

Greed slowly opened his right eye to see Envy hovering over him with a smirk on his face. "What is it?" he asked slightly annoyed. He was having a wonderful dream about money being plastered onto prostitutes and it looked liked it was about to get even better till Envy woke him up. "This had better be good."

"Yeah whatever! You know how Lust and Sloth turned me down right?" Greed grinned. "But of course! Planning on giving up already Envy? I thought you were a better player than that. "

"No you ass hole!" Envy shouted.

"Of course not. There's still one more gal in the house. I'm sure your mommy, Dante, would gladly…"

"Say one more word and you die." Envy growled dangerously. He then, pleasantly smiled, something quite rare. "I have a plan." Greed raised up an eyebrow. "And that it?"

"I'm going to Central Headquarters!!" Envy announced, looking as if he had solved a cure for cancer (which is something he certainly wouldn't do). Greed rolled his eyes. He couldn't be serious.

"Oh sure. Go to Central and beg Sloth to take you. Very genius." But Envy's smile did not disappear as Greed thought it would. "No. That's plan B." Greed got up from the steps he was sitting on and put a hand on his hip.

"What the hell is it then?"

"Well if there's one thing I've learned from snooping around Central it's this. The military takes female officers too." Greed suddenly froze. "You don't mean…"

"Yep! I'm gonna look for a girl in the military. I mean I can't have a sissy for a girlfriend right?"

"But…"

"I need a strong girl who isn't afraid of my life style or me for that matter."

"You mean afraid of your ugliness but…"

"Continue and I'll hurt you. See? It's perfect. She'll be a human but if I like her enough I could deal with that…What?" While Envy had been blabbering on, Greed's frown only turned deeper and deeper.

"A girl from…the _military_?" he repeated. "Are you crazy?" "I don't see what the problem is!" Envy retaliated. Greed sighed and looked at Envy in almost a brotherly way.

"Envy, girls in the military…they're _**ugly**_."

Envy rolled his eyes. "The point of our bet is for me to find a girl, not to find a _pretty_ one. Now if you excuse me I'm going to the Headquarters." As Envy began to walk away, Greed put on his boots and began to follow. "I'm coming with you. I just can't wait to see the look on your face when you see what ugly mugs these girls can be."

0o0o0

Luckily for Envy he could just transform into some random solider. For the unfortunate Greed, the homunculus had to find a male solider who was about his height and had a similar body structure, knock him out, take his uniform and meet up with Envy on the other side of the complex.

"Thanks for wasting a few minutes of my life." Envy grumbled. "Now come on. I have girls to look at." Greed tried to keep himself from laughing. Never thought he'd hear those words come out of Envy's mouth.

The two made their way over to King Bradley's office and opened the door to find the very diligent Sloth working on some papers.

"What brings you two here?" she asked without even looking up at them. "Babe hunting." Greed grinned as Envy made his way over to the window. It took him a minute or two till he spotted someone. "Hey does she look ugly to you?" Greed made his way over and looked at the female specimen.

"Bland brown hair, dull eyes…yes." "Sergeant Carey Logwood." Sloth said as she continued on with her work. "She may look dull but she's actually quite nice." "I'm not looking for nice…" Envy mumbled as his eyes scanned for more women. "How about this one?"

"She's uglier than the other one!" Greed exclaimed, shaking his head. "The short blond hair is not working for her and she's way too thick…" "Colonel Marymount Ferguson." Sloth this time turned to look at them. "She wouldn't like you Envy. She likes men who are not only taller than her but even more muscular than she is."

"You sure know a lot about everyone here." Greed smiled casually and Sloth smiled back. "That's part of my job." Envy then hit Greed on his shoulder. "Stop flirting and tell me about this one." Greed growled and turned to look out the window again. "Why even bother? I bet she's even uglier than…!" Greed's eyes widened and he suddenly became quiet.

"What now? She's the ugliest thing you've every seen? Like you're any better looking!" Envy said sarcastically but Greed didn't even respond to his jibe.

"She's…she's…WHAT A BABE!!" Envy took a step back and nearly gagged. "What the hell?" Soon enough he found Sloth standing next to him, peering at the woman.

"That's Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. I'm sure you've seen her before Envy. She works for Colonel Roy Mustang. Very serious but actually has a good heart once you get to know her. You might actually like her Env…"

"No way! SHE'S MINE!" Greed yelled, whirling on the two. His eyes challenged Envy to say otherwise. "Wait a minute!" Envy yelled back. "I thought you said military chicks were ugly. I remember her now. She's always serious and doesn't like nonsense. She'd hate you! She…"

"Well…I sure as hell was wrong. Just look at her! If she'd let her hair down and wore something nice…damn she'd be sexy! Look at her chest!!" Envy and Sloth slowly stepped back from the now excited Greed. He was grinning like crazy, his eyes lightning up. Envy did however take a look at the Lieutenant's chest. Now that he thought about it, it was a slightly above average.

"Well until Greed calms down…I'd look at other girls for a while…" Sloth whispered for advice. "Or…you could just go out with me!" Envy yelled. He had to admit…Miss Hawkeye did look a bit better than the other bunch of military women he usually saw. It seemed hopeless now. Time for Plan B…

"Envy no." Sloth said gently but sternly all the same. She then slightly blushed, a rare sight. "I already like 2nd Lieutenant Jean Havoc and…" "Yeah, yeah!" Envy yelled storming out of the room. "I'll keep looking for a girl here no matter how hot or ugly they are! I'll get a girlfriend! Watch me. JUST WATCH ME!!"

But the two Homunculus didn't hear him. Sloth was too busy daydreaming yet again about her crush while Greed began to formulate plans on seducing the ever so serious Riza Hawkeye.

0o0o0

Well that is the end of the chapter. I hope you enjoyed! I will try to bring you the next chapter soon!

About Hawkeye's chest…someone had pointed out that it was a bit big and I decided to look for myself…I kind of have to agree.

Moomoogirl1 out( Just for a while:).


	5. Be careful what you wish for Maria Ross

WHY HAVE I NOT UPDATED!!? Well to make a long story short, I have issues but it's all cool. It's winter break now so I have time to spare. Hope none of you are too upset (over this story?) and like it, and all that good stuff.

Let's see who Envy's next victim -uh I mean potential girlfriend is.

I do not own Full Metal Alchemist. It is owned by a very creative cow believe it or not.

0o0o0

Maria Ross was having a wonderful day. She had a lovely breakfast (bacon and eggs, and her favorite jelly rolls), got all her work done (that was hell tough) and managed to escape Armstrong and all his killer hugs (Ross: 10 points, Armstrong: 0)!

"Life is good." She mumbled as she bit into her ham cheese sandwich. She was eating outside today, a breeze blowing across her face. It was nice and sunny, just the way she liked it. Danny would be joining her as soon as he got his own lunch. Speaking of male companions…

'That's what I need. A boyfriend…' Maria thought as she chewed faster that usual. 'I could ask Danny but…I don't think he'd want to go out with me. Besides aren't there fraternization laws?' Maria blushed a little as she continued to think.

'All I want is a gorgeous man to come up to me, say "You're perfect!", and sweep me off my feet. It'd be like a fairy tale…' Maria sighed like a school girl, proving that even military women had romantic fantasies.

Suddenly out of the blue, an officer whom she had never seen before walked up to her. He had glowing brown eyes, light blond hair that was nicely cut, and a pretty good looking body if she looked hard enough. Maria tried to look professional but she couldn't help gaping. Where had this beautiful man come from? He then smiled.

"You know a thing or two about the philosopher stone cause you worked with Full Metal Shorty. Strong, independent, not bad looking…You're perfect!

"Huh?" Maria said dumbly but before she could compose herself, the man stooped down and lifted her off her feet.

"Hey wait!" Maria protested despite the fact that her fantasy was coming true. But the mysterious man just laughed and continued to walk on.

0o0o0

Colonel Roy Mustang was not having a good day. He had paperwork to do (oh the horror!), more paperwork to do (why oh why?), and…more paper work (Paperwork: 10 points, Mustang: 0)!!

Sitting at his desk, watching life pass by was not his ideal of a good day. And the worst part was he had no dates that night. It had been like this for too long. 'I'm a colonel damn it!' he thought 'I need some excitement! If only someone would burst in this godforsaken room, yell "Colonel we need your help!", and …."

Before he could even finish his train of thought, Hawkeye, Armstrong, and Brosh stepped into the room with Brosh yelling "Colonel we need you help!!"

Roy raised up an eyebrow. Creepy…

"Colonel Mustang it seems that Ross has been kidnapped." Riza Hawkeye informed. "It's true colonel!" Brosh yelled. "I was going to eat lunch with her and as soon as I turned the corner there was this officer picking her up and taking her away! She told him to let her go but he wouldn't!"

"And did you go after her?" asked Roy tough he knew it wasn't necessary. Everyone, besides Ross herself, knew Danny would fight tooth and nail for his partner.

"I did but maybe I was too far away to catch up. As soon as I went after him he just seemed to…disappear!"

"We've all tried looking for her but we can't find her." Armstrong said, huge tears rolling down his eyes. "Brosh insisted that we asked you for help seeing that you're a war hero and all. I had to agree with him. This is most upsetting!"

"Well colonel? Will you help out?" Riza asked but to her surprise the colonel leapt out of his chair and yelled "All right! Of course I'll help!" He respected Officer Ross and _anything_ was better than paperwork.

Hawkeye frowned. "Colonel if you're doing this to get out of the office I assure you…" "Yeah, yeah. Love you too babe." Roy said absentmindedly as he walked out of the office. Armstrong and Brosh gave her sheepish shrugs as they followed the Isvalan war hero, leaving Hawkeye in the room.

Riza silently looked at the colonel mountain high stacks of paperwork and then at everyone else's desk, all them also having paperwork. She briskly walked up to her desk and took up her own stack of paperwork.

"Call me a babe will you." she asked as dumped it onto the colonel's desk and went back for more.

0o0o0

Maria Ross's day has just turned upside down. It was perfect and suddenly her crazy fantasy just turned true. She was so confused. Weren't fantasies supposed to remain fantasies?

Now she was sitting in a room all by herself, with only one light hanging on the ceiling. Mystery man had carried to the outskirts of the city, claiming he only wanted to talk. Maria decided to relax and find out what would happen next. If her fantasy was a good one surely it would continue to be good right?

Suddenly a walking palm tree walked into the room. Maria froze in horror.

"Remember me beautiful?" said Envy a.k.a mystery man for those who didn't figure it out by now.

Silently Ross stood up, took out her gun and pointed it at him

"Wait, wait!" Envy shouted. "I'm the same guy! You know the one you were gaping at earlier. It's me!" "I should have known something was fishy." Ross gritted her teeth. "Looking at you now…I just have a feeling you're going to get me in trouble."

"What can I say? I'm a dangerous guy." Envy said smugly until Ross shot him.

"Ow, damn it!" Envy yelled. "Aren't you a bit flattered that I'm interested in you?"

"Not really."

"But I can transform into any man you want!"

"No thanks. Wouldn't that be living a lie then?"

"You like the truth. Okay. So I'll just transform into my original state and…"

"NO THANKS!" If he had worse hair than what she saw now, she was not ready to see that.

"Besides, even if you are interested in me," she continued blushing a bit (okay so she _was_ a bit flattered). "I think I'd like to pick out my own potential spouse, don't you? That's how it's supposed to work. You can like me all you want but if I don't share your feelings it won't work."

"Hmm. That makes sense…" Envy muttered as he put his hand under his chin. Greed failed to mention that. Even if he did win the bet just because he had a girlfriend he actually wanted to keep up a relationship with her.

"Understand?" Ross asked. Envy nodded. "Yeah I get it…Do you want to be my girlfriend now?"

"NO!" Maria yelled. Was this guy an idiot? But before she could say anything else, the door smashed open revealing an angry Danny.

"Don't worry Maria! I'LL SAVE YOU!!"

Danny quickly took up the chair Ross was sitting on and slammed it against Envy repeatedly.

"Ow! Stop it! Damn it! Ow! OW!! THAT ACTUALLY HURT!! Stop it…PLEASE!! AHH…ugh…"

But it was no use. Envy was already five feet in the ground, too injured to get back up. Armstrong and Mustang, who had gotten in shortly after Brosh, started at the carter in amazement.

"Holy hell. You didn't need me after all." Roy said as he gazed at Danny with a new found respect. "All well that ends well." Armstrong nodded. He then turned to Ross.

"YOU ARE SAFE!" he yelled preparing to squeeze her guts out but Brosh bet him to, hugging her tightly. "I'm so glad safe." He mumbled into her chest. Ross sputtered frantically. "Uh – stop - stoppit! How'd you find me?"

"Well about that. Brosh…sniffed you out." Roy said realizing just now how wrong that sounded. "I smelled your shampoo. The one you always use." Danny explained quite awkwardly. "Sorry."

"N–no. It's…okay." Ross said a she shyly smiled. The two stayed that way hugging each other while Armstrong smiled proudly and Roy shifted uncomfortably.

0o0o0

"Failed again? Too bad." Greed smiled as Envy walked in. "Better luck next time." Envy growled.

"I hope when you try to "seduce" Hawkeye, the colonel beats the crap out of you." He mumbled.

"Sure you can say that now but…What did you say!?"

0o0o0

Roy came back to his office feeling good. He avoided paperwork, ran around town, and possibly helped the relationship between Brosh and Ross grow. Yep it was all good…till he saw all the paperwork on his desk had tripled while he was away.

"You were in such a helpful mood that well…I thought you wouldn't mind doing everyone else's paperwork." Hawkeye appeared by his side, smiling, which was so rare it scared the hell out of Roy.

"Well I should be going." Riza said gathering her belongings as Roy stared at her in horror. What had he done? What had he done to her for her to do this to him? Hawkeye walked up to the door but then turned around and smiled once more.

"Later baby."

Then she closed the door and Roy remembered what he had said to her earlier.

"Crap."

0o0o0

Well this is like super duper long and I'd really like it if you'd review because I spent half of my life typing this (not really). Anyway hope you enjoyed! I will try to update sooner.

You know, I like evil Hawkeye.

Moomoogirl1 out (just for a while:).


	6. Sloth's Awakening

Holy Moley Macaroni! It's been almost a year since I updated this. So sorry. Honestly I am….or am I? (gets a book thrown at her).

Well here's a new chapter. I hope you enjoy. We're going to take a break from Envy's antics for a while and focus on the other Homunculi. Hope you enjoy!

Oh yay disclaimer! Of course I don't own Full Metal Alchemist sillies.

I can't believe I actually miss disclaiming things.

0o0o0

Sloth considered herself a sensible girl…okay homunculus, but either way, she was sensible. So why had she fallen for 2nd Lieutenant Jean Havoc of all people? Heck why had she fallen in love to begin with? That's what Greed and Envy wondered.

"He's not that bad guys." Sloth said trying to remain patient. "He's hardworking and cares for his fellow men." "Eww." Envy let out making a face. "Boring!" Greed said while yawning.

"I don't know if you remembered Sloth but we're homunculi who do pretty bad things." Envy lectured. "Havoc, good guy. You, not so good. You see the difference? You don't match. How'd you meet the dork anyway?" Suddenly room turned all sparkly and pretty, and Sloth's eyes shone like two beautiful diamonds in the sun.

"Ugh, my eyes!" yelled Envy who was blinded by them. "What's with all this freakin' glitter?" Greed cried as the sparkles began to settle on his clothes and hair. Sloth was too lovesick to care about the two or even realize just how uncool she looked right now. She closed her eyes to remember the exact moment she saw Jean. It was so fresh in her mind….

_**Flashback!**__** (come on, you know you love them!)**_

_Sloth was walking with King Bradley a.k.a Pride when Colonel Mustang came up from the other side of the hall._

"_Good Evening Colonel Mustang." the Fuhrer said with fake sincerity. "Good Evening Fuhrer." said Roy with respect that was just as fake._

_Suddenly a voice yelled out, "Colonel! Hey Colonel you gotta see this!" A blond haired solider came running down the hall carrying papers in his hand. Yet horrified look came on his face when he spotted Bradley. He tried to skid to a halt but instead tripped over his own feet and fell forward. A curse escaped his lips as he tried to straighten himself, only to fall on top of Sloth._

_As they crashed down together and his papers of the latest automobiles went flying, Sloth was greatly tempted to break character and shout at the man, but then noticed his handsome face and pretty blue eyes. He grinned sheepishly. "Sorry ma'am." he said nervously. Sloth suddenly felt warm all over and for some reason didn't seem to mind that he was even on top of her anymore._

"_2__nd__ Lieutenant Havoc, I think you should be getting off of my personal assistant now, don't you agree?" Bradley said, cracking a smile at the awkward situation. Quickly Havoc shot off of Sloth, leaving her feeling a bit disappointed._

_As Bradley laughed and the colonel closed his eyes in embarrassment, Havoc could only sputter out words. "I-I didn't mean to fall! I mean I didn't mean to fall for, I mean on her cause uh, she was just there and I couldn't help it…oh crap that didn't come out good…"_

_Sloth simply stood there, the tint of red still evident on her cheeks. The only word she could come up with for this man was "adorable". _

0o0o0

"Sloth, are you serious?" Greed exclaimed as the sparkles flew off of him. "That sounds like something out of a bad romance flick!" "I still don't see why you like him. All I got out of the story is that he's an idiot." Envy complained, his eyesight slowly coming back. "Can't you see you could do better by going out with me?"

"Hey you, she rejected you twice already. Obviously I have the right to ask her." Greed cut in.

"Bullshit! You've asked her out millions of time and along with Lust and every other female in this damned planet. So technically I should get another chance-!"

Sloth barely heard the two as they fought over her. Still in a daydream, she smiled as she walked out of the room and down the hallway. Maybe Jean would fall onto her again and with some convincing she could get him to stay that way longer this time. That would be nice…

0o0o0

And that is it for chapter 6! Yay! What will happen next to her our beloved Homunculi? Wait until next time! I'll try to update faster. I promise… (has to repeat it to herself to make sure she keeps it).

Moomoogirl1 out (just for a while:).


	7. Riza's Grocery Trip Gone Wrong

Yay another update! No reviews this time. Wow. Well I would like to hear your opinion on this little story of mine so please, if you did like/hate/found it decent do tell.

This chapter deals with Greed's first advances on Hawkeye (insert evil laugh). Hope you enjoy!

I do not own Full Metal Alchemist people and neither do you!

0o0o0

Greed had much more class than Envy did and that was his unshakable truth. For one thing he looked better (even in his shield form), spoke smoother (Envy was always bitching), had a nice hair cut (Envy was in desperate need of one) and of course he was sure as hell the better dresser. Who, just who the hell, told Envy that his outfit would be taken seriously? Then again Dante never could tell her darling freak of a love child when he looked stupid…

Taken all these things into account, Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye was sure to fall for him hard despite what Sloth had told him about her character, right?

…Right?

Well too late to ask himself that, she was standing right there at the cash register with three bags of groceries waiting to be picked up somehow by a woman who only had two arms. Greed, who was waiting at the aisle nearby, cocked up an eyebrow. The woman didn't look like a heavy eater but maybe all the fat went to her more, well, _pleasing_ features.

She curtly nodded her head at the cashier as a form of thanks and then proceeded to figure out what to do with all her purchases. Greed cracked a toothy grin and walked over. Time to make his move.

Riza had just been scolding herself for going overboard with the groceries ( she hardly had time to shop these days because the Colonel seemed more lazy than ever), when a man with tight leather pants, circular sunglasses and a tacky vest with fur on the collar rode in beside her.

"Need any help there missy?" he asked trying his best to sound dashing and cool. Riza felt herself cringe inside as she took him in. Was that grin of his supposed to charm her?

"No thank you." she s answered, trying her best not to show her disdain. "I'm quite fine." As she bent down to pick up her bags, a muscular arm was seen from the corner of her eye, as it beat her to the task. The man shouldered two of the grocery bags, his smile becoming cocky. "Nonsense. You have all these bags and I'm sure a fine lady such as yourself doesn't want to hurt that back of hers." Yes and that fine back of hers lead to an even finer ass…

Gross. He was absolutely gross checking her out like that and trying to be civil at the same time. There also seemed to be a very odd feel to him and she didn't like it. Riza was tempted to take out the gun hidden under her skirt and show him that not only could she handle three grocery bags, she could do _much_ more. Still he was offering to carry these heavy bags and if he did try anything smart she had Black Hayate outside to bite off his hand and a gun to point in his face. It would do. Besides if she was correct about location, she could leave the creep pretty quickly…

As the twosome walked outside, her faithful dog was prepared to greet his master with a cheerful bark, only to growl at the man next to her. A slight smirk appeared on Riza's face, something unusual for her. "My dog doesn't like you." she stated almost sounding playful. Greed eyed the dog wearily but was immediately turned on by her sudden change of attitude. Usually he didn't like cold woman but the smile that played on her lips was maddening. Soon enough she figured that her smile was having the opposite effect she had wanted it to, and as quickly as it had come it disappeared.

"I hope you don't mind walking me to my home. It's not too far off." she said, taking Black Hayate's leash in her hand and making sure the dog didn't jump the man (not that she didn't want him to). Despite his helpfulness, Riza could tell the man had other motives and it annoyed her that he picked an evening when the weather was so nice out.

"So you seem like a strong girl, what cha do for a living?" he asked, once again trying to sound attractive. "The military." she said, grateful for the question. Once men learned that she had more balls than they ever could have, all advances stopped right there. But to her dismay, the man's grin became even wider and he looked impressed.

"Military huh? You must be a really tough one. I bet you could handle just about anything." Riza didn't bother to even look at him, she was too bothered. "Perhaps." she commented with an aloofness only she could muster.

"I beat your real good with guns." His voice sounded rather husky and he seemed to have move closer to her. Riza looked at him, her eyes flashing.

"Very good." she replied dangerously. "I'm not easily intimidated either." Greed's provocative growl seems to match her warning. "Then you should come by my place sometime. Me and my buds have been know to be very intimidating."

The two had completely halted in their tracks, breathless, with their noses barely touching and neither wanting to back down from a challenge. Black Hayate whimpered in the background, and the street seemed unusually quiet.

But it was Greed who called their staring contest to a close. He smugly smiled as he turned from the blonde. "Of course I'm sure you'd feel more comfortable with such a request if we actually knew each others names." He looked over his shoulder with the same expression. "My bad."

Hawkeye narrowed her eyes, feeling more indignant than before. Not only was this man cocky, and proud, he thought he could get away with anything. Wait a minute that almost sounded like the colonel…

"The name's Greed." the man introduced himself. "And you pretty soldier?" Riza shifted the grocery bag in arm and began to walk again with Hayate trailing behind. What kind of name was Greed, a street nick name? "Hawkeye." she called back to him, not sure that giving him even her last name was alright. "I suggest you don't call me 'pretty soldier' again."

"Yes sir." Greed chuckled, good humouredly, as he watched the woman's hips sway in a kind of stiff yet attractive way. His grin had yet to leave his face. He was going to have fun with the brusque yet pretty Miss Hawkeye.

0o0o0

She had made him stop at the door, for letting him go further inside could prove to be erroneous at the end. With much difficulty she walked up the stairs and stopped in front of the door. With Hayate barking excitedly, she primly knocked.

The one to open the door was her superior, Colonel Roy Mustang himself. His eyes widened a good deal as he took in his lieutenant with her dog plus grocery bags.

"Lieutenant?" he let out confused. "I'm sorry to be bothering you with sir." she said as formally as ever. "But I seemed to have run into a problem and I thought it would be for my own well being to come here."

"What's the problem?" Roy asked an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach. "Well I ran into a man who seems to be pursuing me. I didn't want him to see where I lived." she answered seriously. Roy made a face.

"That's a problem? I thought you could handle any punk." He noticed the slight lowering of her eyes and a small frown, a clear sign that she was troubled.

"Yes but this one seemed…different. He _felt_ different. I'm not sure I can explain myself clearly."

"You don't have to. I get it." The dark haired man ran his hands through his hair, thinking. "Well then, seeing that you're so far from home with all these bags…I suppose I'll have to walk you home." He wasn't about to put her in harms way, not if he could help it. He then threw her a smirk despite her situation. "Seeing that you trust me enough to come to my apartment, I hope you're alright with that."

Riza's eyebrow rose and she let out a sigh. Picking up all three of her grocery bags, she shoved them into his arms.

"Just shut up, get your keys and walk me home already."

0o0o0

In reality Riza is quite grateful for Greed because now the Colonel can do all the protecting for once…or maybe not…

I will try to update sooner these days but for now I have a draft for English to write out!

Moomoogirl1 out (just for a while:).


	8. Dante Gets Emotional

Chapter 8 is here. Yippee dah doo! Well focus is back on Envy, (sort of). Hope you enjoy!

I do not own Full Metal Alchemist or else I'd be a hell of a lot cooler than I am now.

0o0o0

Lately all Envy could do was sulk. He wasn't getting any where with his quest for a girlfriend and Greed was teasing him even more these days. Viciously he bit into his juicy meat loaf. Was it worth it anyway?

They had all gathered around dinner which was a rare occasion was seeing that they never, _ever_ ate together. But for some reason Dante had randomly ordered that they all eat together to discuss all there recent doings. Soon into five minutes of the gathering (luckily Lust kept Gluttony from eating all the food along with the table as well), Dante started asking if they wanted to do anything together. Like a family outing to Xing, a day at the park, even go on a killing spree somewhere remote. The homunculi looked at her as if she were crazy. The smile she had on her face was more frightening than usual and her eyes shined.

"Um, Dante I think your plans are…intriguing," spoke up the feared Fuhrer, Pride, who had lied to his wife in order just to be here. "But why all of this planning all of sudden? Surely we still have work to do."

"Of course, of course." Dante replied as she waved her hand in the air. "It's just that I want to take some to appreciate you guys and…" The others leaned back in their chairs in dread as Dante started to tear up. "…I just want to show how much I appreciate you guys." She started crying loudly and Envy groaned.

"Not again."

"Just when I thought she would be stop herself this time." Lust grumbled.

"What's going on?" Wrath screamed out rudely. Sloth also had no clue what was going on and looked to Envy for an answer. He growled, obviously agitated.

"You two are new so of course you wouldn't know. She does this every time she goes into a new body. One day her body's hormones just go out of control and she gets all mushy and crap. It's annoying as hell."

"Envy I'm you mother! Be nice to me damn it!" Dante sobbed pitifully. "I can't help feeling this way! You're all so cruel to me now. I remember when you all used to love and tell me everything. Now you just keep secrets and presume I know nothing!"

"And these secrets would be?" Pride asked trying not to crack up at the loony woman's behavior. Fuhrers didn't laugh at their creators. Dante wiped her head around and glared at him.

"You're one of the worst. You think I don't know that you think you're more superior to me? You look down on me everyday. You also look at dirty magazines and get high off the smell of ink."

"I…I don't know what you're talking about." Pride denied trying to avoid her gaze. Lust chuckled. "Well Pride I guess a gal like me should watch herself when you're around." she slid out seductively.

"And you think you're so damn pretty!" Dante yelled out. "Little Miss perfect! Remember who let you keep those good looks wrench!" Lust hissed, crossed her arms, and pouted. She couldn't help it if more than half of the Full Metal Alchemist fan boys loved her.

"And Gluttony's just acts just like a damn animal sometimes. And don't you smile Wrath. You're a little brat and you're lucky Sloth cares for you so much or else I'd tan your hide daily!" Wrath stuck out his tongue, murmured the word "bitch" and Sloth gasped.

"Dante he's only a child…and Wrath I told you to stop cursing, it's bad manners."

"Sloth sometimes you're just too soft but you're probably the most agreeable in my eyes."

"Thank you."

"Hey! What about me your own son!" screamed Envy, feeling quite envious now. Dante pouted.

"You're always irritable, you never listen to me, you never give me a hug or kiss me goodbye, you always, _always_, forget Mother's Day..."

"Oh jeez, forget I asked!"

"And you're trying to get all these girls to become your girlfriend with out my help!" Dante continued to yell out. "Instead you go to Greed for advice. You're officially the worst son in the world! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON GREED!!"

However the homunculi had forgotten the off her rocker old lady and they all stared at Envy.

"You're still at that?" Lust asked surprised.

"Well this is most interesting." Pride said smiling and then he laughed.

"Envy's a loser, he can't get a girlfriend!" Wrath joined in. "How much have accepted your offer _Envious_? They all refused or did they just simply die on the spot at the thought of dating a fag like you?"

"If they die can I eat them?" Gluttony asked.

"Wrath dear, that's not nice…"

"He's not answering you Wrath. Guess we'll just have to ask Greed. The two have been hanging around my office right, Sloth?"

"Sir, I mean Pride you're upsetting Envy…"

Lust actually smiled with an excitement not her in ages seen in ages. "Let's find Greed and ask him." she suggested.

"Yeah let's find the bastard right now!" Dante screamed. "He's been corrupting my baby!"

"Yay killing!"

"Wrath honey…"

Envy's eyes twisted with rage and the darkest aura ever seen surrounded him. "How are you going to be killing anybody," he rose up from his seat slowly as the aura intensified. "WHEN I'LL BE KILLING YOU ALL!!!"

0o0o0

Outside the great mansion Greed heard shouting, plates breaking, laughing, and cursing. He began to wonder whether he should join in or not. After all he did love a good rumble. But the first move on Hawkeye had gone so well (in his mind) and he decided that he didn't want everyone's bitching to ruin it. Turning the other way, hoped they all pounded each other the bone so he could have a good laugh tomorrow.

0o0o0

Can't you feel the love? Any who, please review and tell me what ya think. Feed back is always appreciated!

Moomoogirl1 out (just for a while:).


	9. Sciezska's Possible Fairytail?

Well took a while but I have updated!

But truthfully I've sort of lost my stamina for this story and it seems to be just dragging now so unless things turn out differently this may be the last chapter update you'll see for a long time. But thanks to those who read it anyway.

I do not own Full Metal Alchemist people! Stop asking and use yor heads!

0o0o0

Sciezska was no beauty queen and she had dealt with this fact for ages. She had always lived in her pretty older sister's shadow. Martha got all the looks, all the social skills, and of course all the boys. She remembered when grown ups used to whisper to each other and ask how they could be sisters. Sciezska didn't mind too much. She asked herself the same question.

Well Martha was off to better, more glamorous things leaving her here with her books and their sick mother. She didn't mind this too much either but Martha was hardly any help. She barely gave a cent. And everyone still thought she was the better of the two, especially with this new engagement she had going on.

The word engagement made Sciezska frown miserably. She could barely go on any dates much less get an actual boyfriend who would propose to her. She was a good girl, she had listened to all the rules, where was her reward!

Heaving out a dejected sigh, she walked onward to military base. Life was unfair.

Unbeknownst to her, a shadow of a person hid behind the building corner, smirking all the while.

0o0o0

"Aww! Come on Sciezska! Just one more photo? Puh-leazze?" Sciezska suppressed a groan as her superior officer begged her to look at another picture of his "oh so wonderful Elysia", a gooey smile plastered onto his face.

"But Lieutenant Colonel I really have to go home." she whined. Hughes' smile turned less silly, and he good humouredly sighed.

"Okay, okay. You win this one. Say hi to your mom for me okay?" Sciezska mentally did a victory dance and smiled brightly. "I will!" she called as she quickly headed for the door. "Please do likewise for Gracia and Elysia."

Before she put her hand on the door, Hughes let out a gasp. "Ah wait there Sciezska! Before you go…" She turned to see Hughes walking to his desk and taking up a book.

"When I came back from lunch I found this book on my desk with your name on it." As he handed her the book, Sciezska saw her name written in beautiful cursive on the book's cover. "I thought that maybe you left it or something." Her eye brows furrowed together.

"I've never seen this book before in my life…though it is pretty." Suddenly a sly smile fixed itself on Hughes face.

"Could it be a secret admirer? Oh joy! The heavens have heard your cry!" Sciezska face burned red.

"Of course it's not from a secret admirer…and I've never cried for a boy so there!" Big lie there. She walked her way out of the office, flustered. A Secret Admirer? Yeah right. She never had one before so she saw no point in having one now.

0o0o0

After dinner, Sciezska went to her room, closed the door, and timidly took a peek at the pretty book laying on her bed. Hughes words from earlier had yet to leave and the idea drove her crazy. Sure she had bad luck in the past, but maybe, just maybe…Quickly she dived for the book, and before she could hesitate, opened it. Maybe there was something inside.

But to Sciezska's dismay the pages were blank. So much for that. She was about to close the book words began to appear on its pages.

_Don't leave. Let's talk._

Sciezska's eyes widened greatly. Holyflippincrapwhat?

_What's the matter? Scared little mouse?_

"What else am I suppose to do? Just laugh this off and do back flips of joy?" Sciezska answered back. Sure books were her life but this was something entirely different. It was talking to her for goodness sake! The book shook in her hands, as if it were laughing.

_So the timid little mouse does have some sass. I like that_

"You…like it?" she squeaked.

_Definitely. Not bad looking either if you ditched those dorky glasses. Not bad, not bad. _

What the hell was this? This book was started to sound more like a guy with every line that appeared and excuse her, but she happened to like these glasses, thank you very much! She began wonder about the fire place in her living room and what would happen if she threw it in there when it "spoke" again.

_Enough of this. Let's get down to the real deal._

"Real deal?" Sciezska said, her voice pitch going even higher. "I'm sorry mister book but I really don't like where this is go-"

With a magnificent explosion, the book disappeared in a cloud of smoke and out appeared…the most creepiest looking guy on the face of the planet. As he stood on her bed, hovering over her, Sciezska let out a horrified scream.

"Bring back the book, at least it looked nice!!"

"What? Are you insulting me after all the compliments I gave you? Why you-" Before he could continue the bedroom door opened, and Sciezska saw her mother, who looked completely horrified.

"I always thought you were better than your sister Sciezska!" she cried out. "And he isn't even good looking! I have failed as a mother!" Envy (for those of you who sadly once again didn't figure it out) sneered.

"Shut up old bag, I'm trying to have a conversation here!" he yelled. The woman ran away and Envy furiously turned back to Sciezska, who was cowering in fear. He lowered his face to her level, and growled out his words.

"I make myself into a pretty book because I know you love books, fascinate your senses by pretending to be a magical one, flatter you a bit, transform myself using fireworks, and suddenly YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO CALL ME UGLY!!!??"

"B-But…I didn't call you ugly…" Sciezska mentioned timidly. "Liar! I bet you were thinking it!" Envy screamed. "Here I am trying to be romantic and shit and you fucking ruin it you little-"

"I didn't, honestly!" Sciezska yelled. "I know what its like to be called ugly in the most humiliating way so I never think anyone is ugly." Envy began to calm down as she went on. "Are you strange looking? Yes, you are. But I would never think you were ugly."

Envy looked at her for a while. She seemed to be telling the truth. He never thought she could be brave when she had to be. Another good attribute. He then smiled. If she was a desperate as he was then maybe…

"If you think that than become my girlfriend." he demanded. Sciezska's eyes popped out of her skull. "Are you serious?" She screamed.

"Well duh, or I wouldn't have done all this." said Envy rolling his eyes. "Well?" Sciezska blushed. This was all too weird.

"But I barely know you and…" "Ugh not this crap again!" Envy yelled, remembering his attempt on Ross. "All you have to do is give me a yes or a no. You can't pretend that you want a boyfriend right?"

This was crazy, like something out of a fantasy book. Here was this magical, mystical, probably not human, man asking her out. Her! Miss plain Jane! Maybe she was dreaming?

"Well?" he asked again, his hand outstretched. Taking in his crazy fashion sense and long green hair sticking out in many directions she decided it was a dream and that in reality she was curled up in her bed with the pretty book in her hands. Well if it was just a dream she might as well play along. Slowly she began to reach for Envy's hand.

"HOMUNCULUS COME OUT!! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED!!"

The color drained from Envy's face. Crap.

"Homunculus?" Sciezska repeated as her hand began to tremble. "Is that the military outside….THIS ISN'T A DREAM?" Envy hissed as he jumped off her bed to open a nearby window. "Wait a minute! Where are you going?" Sciezska asked. Her head was running around in circles and he turned to face her again.

"Sorry little mouse but I gotta go. Obviously you're not ready for this." He then, uncharacteristically, sighed ruefully.

"Too bad. You're actually the first human girl to actually interest me."

Too surprised to even say anything back, she watched as he turned himself into a moth and fly out of her window. Soon after a rush of footsteps were heard and in walked, Edward Elric along with Alphonse, Hughes, Mustang, and her mother.

"My child is safe!" she blubbered as she ran to Sciezska and hugged her tight. "I realized that you would never bring home such a man so I called that police boss of yours!" "I realized the description sounded just like the homunculus that kidnapped Ross but escaped." Hughes continued. "So I rounded up everyone as quickly as I could. We're pretty fast huh?"

Ed gritted his teeth as he searched the room. "Damn we missed him! Sciezska, that homunculus, did he hurt you? What did he want?" But Sciezska was in a daze.

"He actually wanted me to be his girlfriend…" she murmured. Ed jerked back in disgust while Mustang put his hand on his chin.

"It seems this Envy wants to go around and harass military women into being his girlfriend. Ross had a similar story." "So we should be on the look out than," Al added. "Or at least give every girl in Central a warning. Don't worry Sciezska you're safe now. Sciezska?"

But Sciezska was still in Wonderland. She bet her sister was never asked out by someone who wasn't human being before. Beat that Martha!

0o0o0

"Boy did you screw up big time!" Greed walked into the elegant room where Envy sat there, frowning. He waved a piece of paper in Envy's face, grinning madly.

"Did you see this sign at headquarters yet?" he said "Supposedly you're a sick, screwed up, sexual predator hunting down military chicks. Of course the flyer doesn't say what you are or give a description but I knew it was you once I saw it. You should have seen Bradley. The guy actually laughed his ass off."

In his rage, Envy snatched the paper out of Greed's hand and tore it to bits. Greed smirked. "That's an impressive tantrum you're throwing there Envy. Ready to quite?" Envy grimly smiled.

"That's what you think. I was actually pretty close last time with Sciezska. All I have to do is study a girl for a bit and then give them what they want. I'm far from done Greed. Just watch me."

Filled with confidence, Envy strode out of the room…until he tripped over a rug and fell flat on his face. At the end of the day it was always Greed who got the laugh.

0o0o0

Thanks for reading and please review. Reviews help us writers here a lot ya know.


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